Change is hard. You know what else is hard? When you go backwards. I mentioned recently that I was trying to get myself back on track after taking quite a break from my typically healthy lifestyle. I’ve got the green smoothies going and I’m focusing on my health, but the part I’ve been dreading is heading back to the gym.
Why? What?! Sarah, you love all things fitness and exercise! It’s what fuels you! Well, sort of. Among other things. But here it is. I have a pretty major character flaw and I’m really coming to terms with this lately.
If I don’t think I’m going to be really good at something right away, I just won’t do it.
There I said it. Something that has been a burden on me for pretty much my whole life. If I have even the slightest fear that I may fail at something, there is a pretty good chance I won’t even give it a go. In most cases I can manage this flaw, even use it to my advantage, but there are times where I am starting to see it as crippling. This was one of those times.
I like to do Crossfit and run. I like lifting really heavy things over and over. I like having the ability to use a small amount of gymnastic skill and do pretty neat stuff at the gym. I really like lifting really heavy things. But the problem with taking time off is that those skills and strengths can fade quickly if they aren’t used. When you take time off, you simply aren’t able to do what you know you could do before. And that feels like failure. So the longer I took off, the harder it was to tell myself I could do it again, and the harder it was to go back.
But in the spirit of getting myself together, I sucked it up and hit the gym today. After all, this is the place where I first learned to fight that fear of failure. This is the only place where I allow myself to try and fail and try again. This was the place I went from unable to do a sit up after my baby was born to full-blown, tough-girl pull-ups.
I wish I could tell you a story of triumph. I wish I had hopped back in there and never missed a beat. The fact is, I quit the workout halfway through after having been at it for an hour. That workout was a beast and I had dinner to cook and my kid was missing me and blah, blah, blah. The point is that today I stepped outside my comfort zone again and did something hard.
And you know what I found out? There were a lot of people waiting there, happy to see me make a come back, cheering me on, and understanding the struggle. A friend gave me a necklace with the Southside Power and Endurace Company logo on it that she had been holding for me during my hiatus. She was hanging on to some of my other stuff for me too. She knew I’d be back, they all did.
Starting over can be just as hard as starting in the first place. But you can do it. I promise. What is it in your life that you’d like to get back to, but you’re just scared? Go for it. You’ve got this.
And if you don’t have someone waiting for you, holding your stuff, hand it over to me. We’ve got this.